i havent been updating at all for the past few weeks.. i guess when u grow up n get busy with work n all the relationships in ur life, it just feels like 24 hour a day is not enough. So many things happened, i got into another serious talk with him, i had the first ever disagreement with my friend n that is my working buddy, too much family matters as usual, and alot of hidden stuffs that i do not wish to talk about.

I know i am dedicated to my job. I expect a perfect work from myself, and so there's a serious big flaw in me. I expect those as qualified as me to deliver quality at work. I am not afraid to say it out bcos I and Rebec talked about these issues before. She's the kind of person that gets really affected by her mood. Once she is moody, her working efficiency drops n everyone around gets a pinch of her attitude. We are quite close so i really dont wish to see her get into trouble. Every time she is moody, i will try to bring her up. So u see as time goes by, i get really tired till a day i flare up. We both cried but out of each other's sight. I cried in the comfort of ah meow. He spoke to me n said he knew i was mature enough, i need to talk to her n make her realise wat she was doing.
I did, we spoke and things turned out well. I explained that in the working world, no matter how troubled u are, u should nv bring them to ur work place. Of cos, whenever she has troubles, i will still be there for her.

My family matters are forever unsolvable. I came to a point where by i really cannot be bothered by it. Of cos i will still be by my mom's side. But i will still nv forgive my dad. As for my brother, he has a gf ! Finally. BUT, pardon me for saying this, i dont really like her. The first time she came over, she stayed over without informing us. Not a good start. During dinner, my mom kept asking her to eat. She kept saying no like a small kid, and started to eat the mac my bro bought. Great.. Anyway, i dont think i will see her often. The first impression she gave us was quite bad.

n Regarding Lucas. Last sat we went momo together with our friends. I saw the way the tequila girl flirted her way thru to get him to buy her shots. Out of no where, all the past just came flashing back. I know i am sensitive, i am trying hard not to be. I still feel so unjust, bcos till today i dont know the whole truth. I only know he has been fooling around. Yes, we talked but nv abt wat exactly happened. He just promised there wont be a next time. I know, i can feel it, he's changed. I know now he's willing to give all his best to make me happy. But then again, my heart was dying to know wat exactly did he do. Although many said its better not to know the truth, but i always believed that only honest relationships stand through time.

We talked below his house afterwards, for so long, and yet he still refused to tell mi the truth, saying there is really nothing going on between him and this particular girl, S. Until i was really devastated, i scolded him real bad. I gave him a choice, either he tell mi the whole story now or i am really prepared to walk out on him immediately. I was really shocked about wat i heard. Though, she was the one who fell for him, he indirectly caused her to sink into it. I told him off, he was acting like a true bastard n tt girl is married. Ya, technically, he didnt do anything wrong bcos he was just comforting her as she was having problems in her marriage. But all the physical contacts were really not needed, i told him. S also had another guy she was quite attached to in the same group. And so, when Lucas came into the picture, tt guy was quite pissed off with him. A really complicating affair, I dont know the girl well, but i really dont like her. I dont like peopke with who treats marriage like a toy, i told him to choose his friends wisely.

Some how, the conversation turned around and he said he was hurt bcos i once said that there are other guys treating me better than him, which was true at tt time, bcos all the promises he made to me was unfulfilled. I told him i did not have the intention of comparing him to them. But i just want to wake his idea that i can just walk out on him with another guy, I did not. I just want him to cherish this relationship more.

I am so guilty, i made him cried. He just collapsed into my arms and cried real hard. It was the first time he cried so badly. But, we promised that there should not be any dishonesty between us n so it was a happy ending after all.

i m confused...!

i think i am regretting my decision now.. or sort of.. bcos i realli dont know why i feel this way.. one thing i know for sure.. I cant stand girls hovering around him like bees.. especially when he dont have self control, acting like the honey.. sometimes i really wonder why cant he just brush all of them away wif a simple no.. why does he have to make things so complicated.. misleading ppl n all.. all these mayb are just part and parcel when u go out dating... but a definitely no-no when u have a girlfren.. and whenever i bring these issues up against, he always just have nth to say.. keeping silent.. i wish he would defend for himself.. but sadly no, his silence meant i was speaking the truth..

so much of all the promises he gave... n yet i stil have a feeling he wont be able to fulfill them bcos he just cant be firm on such issues.. i dont think i can live with a guy like that.. today i poured everything out to carol.. abt vday.. abt everything.. she said there will always be a second time he cheats.. n since its already the second time, why am i stil putting up wif him? bcos i love him? or bcos i just used to him.. i dont know anymore.. everyone kept asking.. where did he bring u to... what did he get for u...
how the fuck am i supposed to say... nothing? n that would totally embarrass him.. but thats the truth isnt it.. i seriously dont mind.. but nth planned for e day? its the same scenario as my birthday.. he used to put in a real deal of effort in his ex-gf.. but on mi.. most of the celebration are zero.. i think i sound like a petty little girl.. but whu cares.. i think for once i ought to be treated more like a girl..

I hinted to him wat i felt abt our r/s.. just a simple msg.. do u think we can stil be frens if we go our separate ways.. i dont know.. of cos i hope things betw us will improve.. but if its not gonna.. then.. its the end..

erm.. i didnt update as promised.. lol.. i am trying my very best..

2 weeks ago on wed.. i went phuture wif my colleagues.. ltr on pu n marcus came over to look for us.. haha.. quite an interesting night.. had fun dancing my worries away.. except for some irritating guys..

sat down to boiler room again.. wif rh, wee, cindy, agnes, etc etc.. wasnt feeling very nice tt day.. i have alot of serious issues wif him.. uncovered lots of dirty secrets.. n its just killing mi that i dont have the chance to voice it all out.. pms-ing for the whole day.. went down to boiler in a depressed mood..

for god knows wat reason.. i just started to tear.. rh saw mi, so i signalled to him to get out of the place n i poured everything out to him.. i was crying non-stop.. i just cant help it.. i am really upset over wat lucas did.. i think it was really dramatic tt day.. cos he suddenly came out to look for mi.. n i spoke to him.. totally broke down just outside boiler room.. i was sobbing really loudly but at tt time i cant seems to control myself.. haiz.. i felt so cheated.. all the promises he made to mi were all empty words.. n i was really deciding that we should take a break.. i think i kind of shock him.. bcos he has nv seen mi breaking down before.. at least not bcos of him.. he said he realli didnt know that it affected mi so much..

mayb i was realli hoping that he wake up his idea.. tt night i went back to his place.. tot abt it the whole night.. n i stil realise that despite all, he stil has not spill the beans n tell mi the truth.. so i demanded an explaination from him before i come to any decision..

well, he called.. n said that he knew his mistake asking for another chance.. i dont know why.. at tt time i was really determined.. i told him i really need to think abt it.. i will give him an answer soon.. i went to colour my hair.. n back home to slp.. he kept msg-ing mi asking mi for another chance n tt he realli cant lost mi..

i ignored all his msgs.. after tt good rest, i felt peaceful.. but despite the peacefulness, there is just sth missing.. n i realised that it wasnt just being used to having him around, the thought that i might lose him one day really frightens mi.. i called him quickly n told him my decision.. but its gonna the last n final chance..

i really hope things will turn out better..

The past week was night shift for mi.. tiring week.. -_- bcos i dont get enough slp everyday!.. its either i have to wake up early for ot.. or i was doing his present till real late before i catch my morning slp.. sat supposed to head down to chinatown wif him.. end up we went to boiler wif the jr, agnes, spenc, karin n pj.. agnes n mi headed down to dbl o.. n i drink my jug of lychee martini! hehe.. boiler room that night was disappointing..

Sunday i had to wake up early for lunch wif my boss n colleagues.. at soul garden.. -_- of all places.. in the end we went in late bcos alot was late.. mi, bec, danny, terence n kc ate for an hour then we rushed off.. -_-''' i met up wif him.. for last min cny shopping.. we stil have not bought our clothes.. n we spent most of the time at levis outlet.. finally bought my jeans.. hee.. rushed back his place n we went down to chinatown..! bought decorations n flowers.. went back his place n we started decorating his hse lol..

this week.. morning n i stil got to work on sat.. wtf! asssss...

I came home real early today.. its the first time in so many mths..

I badly needed a rest.. so i asked bec to cover my ot..

Supposed to go out wif my colleagues.. but i push them away.. i just wanted to get home as fast as possible..

n he stopped replying again.. always when things are not settled.. he disappeared..

so this time.. i really cant be bothered.. i just wanna slp...

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

finally time to blog..

last whole was night shift.. monday n wednesday was super busy for us.. n ya.. i think my boss overworked mi.. i worked ot from monday till thursday.. until fri only then i had a break.. i was freakingly shagged.. my brain n limps just wont coordinate.. making mi more fed up! haiz..

sat i went sentosa wif pu.. right after my night shift.. chill, tan n relax.. i love it!
after tt we went vivo for some shoppings.. before i headed back to lucas' place.. slept for an hour plus.. n prepared for another round of havoc n fun.. all of us are going st james! whooot..

i was super excited.. lol.. mayb tt explains why i am stil so energetic even i hardly had any slp.. alittle chaotic at first.. due to the bash.. but after awhile, we settled at boiler's room.. i telling u guys... the live band there totally rocks ! its like seeing those rnb stars' concert.. n their voice are real nice..
the usual thing, drink dance n doing stupid stuffs.. tt day was a real big group.. mi, lucas, rh, wee, cindy, jr, spenc, ag, pq, ps, edward, pu, charlene, hc, soulmate, jinfang n fren, hanz, rh's fren n his gf.. plus char and ah gong came over a while too..

we party all the way till 3.. then we moved over to movida.. the music there was great.. n 2 f*cking ang moh tried to hit on mi... i realli realli hate them.. mayb i am racist or wat.. but i just dont like them.. party till abt 5.. n we all went home..

i slept all the way till 3 the next day.. supposed to go for a photo shoot.. but i overslept.. -_- and at night i went down O2 to look for lucas n his frens.. drink again.. -_- tsk.. kinda unhealthy.. this time all of us went home early..

Today is work again.. sian... feeling so tired n legarthic.. haiz.. worked ot again! till 830.. then i went jp for dinner wif carol, danny n bec.. nice filling dinner at crystal jade.. lol...

back at home.. i think i am gonna ko soon..
sometimes i feel.. being busy at work isnt a good thing.. i know i am getting more short tempered.. so much as i wanna control it.. i just cant any strength to do so.. n i start to hate being at home.. i dont like ppl to ask abt my whereabouts.. i get frustrated easily.. i think i am turning more n more into a monster..
i always do hope that he can find time just to sit down n talk to mi.. like wat he promise to do so.. but whenever i intitated it.. he just shrug it off wif a i m tired..

No matter how much he said he love mi.. how much his frens told mi.. i think i am starting to wan to back out.. bcos i find he is not someone whu shares my sorrow , rather he is just someone whu wans to share my fun.. n basically, i really dont know wat is he doing outside.. mayb i am curious by nature.. it doesnt seems to be tt way.. i wan a r/s where communication is the key.. i dont like hidden stuffs.. bcos it might be a habit for mi to start looking around too..

i think i definitely need a break.. from work, from him, from everything.. i have got no time for myself !

llllllloooooooooooonngggg time since i updated.. yea i know i know.. my blog is getting real boring..

ok.. its the new year.. i promise i will try to update it as much as possible..

lets see.. 2005 xmas was spent wif my dear.. a simple dinner plus a midnight movie.. before that.. was havoc at my god-daughter's place.. haha... shall not elaborate it.. too lazy..

new year i was wif my colleagues at ah meow's hse.. super chaotic.. lots of liquor n many high ppl.. i was nearly thrown out of the window.. came home wif lots of bruises.. =(

The new year means more work for us.. plus kk left us.. we are short of one manpower.. haiz.. but nvm.. more work means more money.. lol..

I crave for the sun... but unfortunately, the whole week of attempting to go sentosa wif pu failed.. so sad..

I realised that i really havent been spending much time wif my frens.. most of the time is work work n work.. I think this new year, i must really learn to organise my time well..

something to be proud of.. i finally finally cleared out alll the junks n clutters in my room..!~ spent the whole day.. throwing stuffs.. arranging stuffs... Time to search for some new furnitures.. my wardrobe is fully packed ! I must try to keep my room neat n tidy at all times..

got to go work soon... its night shift this week.. zzzzzzzzzzzzz

alright.. i know i seldom update.. n i think my blog is dying soon..

well.. too many things had happened.. i am worried sick for my brother.. he totally got himself into serious deep shit.. n i feel that he doesnt know the seriousness of the matter.. haiz.. so much as i wan to walk out n dont give a damn.. i stil cant.. went down to the police post today n got to call up the lawyers tml to try to peace things out.. damn..

this is the last time i am gonna clear shit for him..

Monday
went to acc dear for his checkup.. another week of mc for him..
before meeting him at the hosp.. i went to his hse n hide the present i got for him..
after sending him home.. i went to work.. afternoon shift for this week..
after work.. its 12mn exactly.. which is his bday.. i lied to him saying that i had to work ot so i cant come over le..
hee.. went over his place.. n i prepared a surprise for him.. =)
i am so happy to see the smile on his face.. n melted when he said he was very very touch..

Tuesday
my dear's bday..
spent it with our frens.. cos i celebrated wif him on sunday le..
went marina for steamboat.. after which we all headed down to O2 for a drink..
right.. n he vomited.. haha.. his purmei frens came down too.. shared cab home wif them..

Wednesday
went to work as usual..
after work i went down to zouk.. always fun there.. cos i can dance.. though the usual gang is not there.. but well.. i just love dancing..
however, towards the end i was quite pissed off.. not gonna mention wat incident.. nvm abt tt..
went back to dear's place..

Thursday
a normal day.. went home after work..
too much partying n late nights.. gonna rest a day..

Friday
went to work early.. i was having a super bad mood that day..
i just hated it when the other team ppl demands that we should let them use the equipment when i was there first.. so wat if u have samples.. we too have samples.. if not why would i be using the equipment.. selfish butch of ppl..
Due to work.. i was realli totally in a bad mood.. plus i was stuck not knowing where to go after work.. rh they all were at wala wala.. soulmate ask mi to go clubbing.. n my dear is celebrating his bday wif his purmei frens..
In the end, i went down to find dear.. knowing that the chances of my mood getting better after seeing him is quite high.. haha.. initially i was veri hesitant to go down.. partly bcos i was afraid that my mood will affect him n also bcos i was afraid of being left out..
but well, turned out i made the right decision.. i really had fun tt night..
went down to O2 to find them.. wah liew.. they already open like 4 to 5 bottles of martell.. faintz.. played dice with amos.. haha.. dont know how to spell his name.. he is super pro lo.. i kanna cheated by him.. hehe.. but lucky dear's gfs all protect mi..! haha..
after which, all of us headed down to St James, Dragonfly.. that place is huge lo.. n we all got in free of charge.. yeay.. they opened 2 bottles of martell there.. dotz.. n ordered waterfall for dear.. lucky i drank most of it for him.. if not i will be dragging him home liao.. haha..
the music there is not bad.. hee.. good experience..
overall.. it was a fun night.. =)

Saturday
pig out at his place.. went out for sushi wif him and caught Step Up..
omg.. the show is so nice.. actualli its a dancing movie.. so ppl whu have a passion for dancing should go see it.. hee.. met up wif the usual gang for ktv.. super duper long time since i have been there.. lol.. all of us didnt know wat songs to sing anymore! omg..
after ktv we chill out at coffee club express.. n i had my mud pie! yummi! =)

Sunday
after settling my bro's matter..
i rested at home awhile.. need to gather all my tots.. i admit i was feeling down.. not bcos of my bro.. i am sick of him already.. but bcos of my mom.. i really feel sad.. i really want her to be happy..
dear called n i went over to find him.. he is having serious hangover due to ytd's celebration..
acc him till ten plus.. then i went back home.. talked to rh.. haha..

i m strong.. i can do this.. yes i can !

ok.. some updates..

i cant rem wat i did the last week.. last weekend was spent at aranda country club for hc n cs bday chalet.. went down on fri after work.. next day was just slacking myself away at the chalet.. well cos dear cant do anything due to his hand injury.. played mj.. n i nearly nearly got the dont wat 13 cards thingy.. wah liew.. i already waiting to game le.. short of 1 tile nia.. lol.. exciting lehz.. haha.. after which is buffet.. hc's parents n relatives came over.. haha.. surprisingly his mom stil rems mi.. lol.. pop down to cs' chalet n saw nigel, jona, sihao, thomas n mingyu.. played heart attack.. haha.. then it was cut cake session.. so sorry that i couldnt go down to cs' one.. something crop up.. just dont wish to mention here..

monday went to work all the way till 11 plus.. siannn... then went over his place cos he got operation on tuesday.. end up i cant wake up.. i guess i was just tired.. his mom acc him there.. the operation finish at late afternoon so he cant discharge..
today i went over in the morning n had lunch wif him n his mom.. wait for the nurse to do the procedures n we went home... supposed to go down zouk to look for rh.. but sorry boy.. i was really tired plus tml have to work.. hiakz..

i browse thru some of my fren's blog n saw this interesting quiz.. to be frank.. its really true u know.. i am surprised.. it realli speaks of wat i am facing now..

You have a vivid imagination and this is good. Great inventors, explorers all had inventive, imaginative minds. Your friends and acquaintances may consider you over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. So what ? this is a part of your character and charm.

You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.

Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You feel that you need to move on. You feel that you are not appreciated or valued for what you are and that the time is 'now'. Failure to do so will not afford you the conditions to prove your worth.

these few days my mind is preoccupied with alot of stuffs..
Dinner n dance this fri.. n i havent bought my shoes..
Gb 21st bday chalet this weekend..
Dear's bday this weekend n i havent prepared anything for him.. i totally have no time.. haiz..
everything is happening around the same time.. no money as well.. bcos i wanna give more to my mom..
Plus another more serious stuffs.. my father has been exchanging email with mi.. i am pissed by the words he used.. to all guys out there.. if u think u cant commit to anything, then dont fucking get into a marriage n ruin everyone's life.. everyday i have been thinking abt this.. i sent an email back to him screwing him upside down.. n ya.. he threatened with a divorce..
so wat.. i had to swallow my pride, reason things out with him n help my mom.. i really cant take it anymore..
and yet after all these, i really dont know how to tell my mom abt wat he said to mi.. bcos i know she will be sad.. she will ask mi to swallow everything down n "sweet talk" to him... damn bastard..

i am trying not to let it affect my work.. but it just seems to pop out.. and i stil havent send wat the msg tt i promise rh i would.. i stil have yet to reply to cs.. argh..

I Need a Break!! anyone.. anybody.. take mi away from all these..

The past whole week was night shift with Kk.. a super tiring week for the both of us...

Monday.. morning i went sentosa with pu, vincent n biao yong.. played some beach volley n surprisingly, they even brought along cards.. so we sat in the middle of the beach playing big2.. haha.. after wards all of us just slacked n relac at one of the bars... half way thru.. i felt veri veri giddy.. so i tot i would go get sth sweet to drink.. by the time i reach the bar.. i totally blacked out.. n tt split moment.. i was really veri frightened.. bcos its the first time i experienced anything like that.. everywhere around mi was in total pitch black.. but stil.. i gathered all my strength n walked over to a chair n i really collapsed there... the bar owner was so kind to call out for pu... i rest, washed up, n quickly went over to lucas place to take a rest..
half way thru.. my boss msg mi asking mi to go in early to work.. so i tot i take a rest and go in to help.. but lucas dont allow.. he wants mi to rest more.. lol..
so the whole night mi n kk were super busy.. no time to rest at all... -_-

Tuesday.. I went over his place to slp after work.. all the way till night... n its busy night for mi n kk again.. arrrghhh...

Wednesday.. busy night again?! its like so sian can... supposed to meet up wif pu for swimming.. in the end i am locked at home... long n stupid story ok.. n pu came all the way to acc mi.. haha.. he sitting outside my hse n mi inside my hse chit chatting... lol..

Thursday.. i realli cant rem wat happened.. but its busy night again lo... haiz..

Friday.. the eve of a PH.. meaning more work for all of us... mi n kk went in early and we managed to release all the results early.. yeay! so its free for us the whole night.. haha..

Sat.. after work i just went to his place n zzzz the whole day... woke up to meet up wif spencer, cindy, wee, hc n charlene to geylang for dinner.. frog leg porridge! yummilicious! hehe.. half way thru.. he called saying he fell down at soccer n fractured his finger.. =( took a cab down to hosp n pick him n his parents up before sending him home..
After sending him back, he actually told mi to go back to look for spencer they all when its already 10 plus at night ! dotz... i was quite irritated.. so i went back home...

Fri was work as usual.. despite the fact i was feeling super down.. and plus i couldnt contact him.. no doubt he was having ops.. i have to admit that i was feeling good when i know nth abt it.. but anyway, its all okay bcos he has his reasons..
Instead i called wee n talked to him abt some stuffs.. went home and i decided to take the initiative move.. i msg him if he had finished his ops.. n so he said he was stil at a pub at tanjong pagar.. alright.. i went off to slp after all.. in the midst of it.. i was woken up by his miss-call.. and i did not call back cos i was too slpy.. received a msg from him.. n i slpt with a smile on my face..

Sat i was supposed to meet gb n ah gong at cck at 1130 but.. at 1230 i was stil slping at home.. washed up asap.. n met them for lunch.. they bought mi to the yuki sushi or sth for sushi buffet.. yummi.. i love sushi! hee.. those two kind fellows then paid for my lunch.. and we went shopping around looking for my fren's present.. sadly.. i couldnt find anything nice.. n out of no where.. they pop out a big bag of presents for mi... when i really gong gong tot that they went toilet.. lol.. i really love it.. haha.. and i was stranded there not knowing if i should go off or not.. bcos he stil havent reach home... and originally i was supposed to meet up wif rh.. but i decided to go home anyway..
on the bus ride home.. i felt so suffocating.. i felt that i had to get everything out from bottling all up.. so i called him.. he could sense that there was sth wrong wif mi.. so i told him i realli wanna tok things out wif him.. n the first thing he asked mi, "u dont want mi already ar?" lol..
i went to his place.. tok things wif him.. ok.. we both have our own point of view.. but i guess overall, its meant to benefit each other.. and then i told him i was really uncomfortable that clyn keeps contacting him... i asked him to understand bcos i am not someone whu is unreasonable.. i just feel that she has an ulterior motive..
i told him i felt insecure.. mayb not much trust.. i felt he would just run away at any point of time.. n he shooted back at mi.. he's the one that feels this way.. that any time i would just let go of this r/s.. right...
we talked abt his money issues, clubbing n drinking issues.. all in all, i would say i am an easily satisfied girl.. i felt much more at ease after talking..
spent the night at his place..

Sunday, he went to work super early.. a very last min thing.. so i woke up by myself, watched some bleach then went to vivo with spencer, rh n agnes.. ok.. before that there was some commotion happening betw us.. haha.. the shopping is super big ok.. i went searching for my evening wear.. nth found.. i went searching for my frens' presents.. nth found also.. argh.. we headed back to habourfront for tea break.. lol.. then dear came to join us.. went back to vivo then we all headed down to pasir panjang food centre for seafood.. yummilicious! hehe.. tok tok there.. n its time to go home... ko immediately.. lol...

anyway, think i will reply to all the msgs on my tag box here...
QiuYan: Thanks alot girl.. =) never expected u to tag here.. hee.. yea i know wat u mean.. but mayb cos the feeling's stil there.. i would like to try harder to make it work.. =) *hugz*

Zhen: girl.. thanks.. i received ur msg the other day.. i must say it really brightens my day.. hee.. dont worry i will be ok.. =) *hugz*

Qi: hee.. thanks girl.. ya.. sometimes i just dont feel like saying.. when its time i will tell ya all.. dont worry.. =) *hugz*

Uncle: erm.. i dont know who are u.. lol.. but i will rem ur words.. thanks alot dude.. =) i will definitely stay strong.. *cheers*

Charlene: heee.. thanks.. this week this week okie? msg mi okie.. hehe.. n sentosa this week.. dont forget ! hahaha.. =) love...

i need a break badly... ar...

i feel so frustrated now.. i dont know if i should be saying this.. but i just feel so fed up at work.. mayb i just feel that some ppl there selfish.. to be frank, i feel that i am kinda suay that i ended up partnering with 2 of the seniority colleages in my team.. i hate it when both of them are always out to "fight" with each other.. i am always caught in the middle.. i wont say names.. but i just need to vent my anger..

A always w/o fail pang seh mi at the very last min.. i hated it when its saturdays with her.. cos i know she will always come out with a reason to leave mi alone... and i always have to stay back for ot bcos there will always be samples coming in on sat.. is like i am stil a newbie there n i have only been there for like half a year.. n she can throw mi there alone.. so damn frustrating.. i nearly cried once bcos of her behaviour..

then A and B will always try to pick on each other for god knows wat reasons.. its realli veri irritating.. and bcos i am teamed with A.. all the disapproval abt A from B would always go to mi.. sometimes i feel like i bo tai bo chi tio niam at.. i really veri sick n tired of all these..
argh... i really dont wish that one day i just flare up.. bcos things will be very ugly..

n so.. this week A is in morning shift with bec.. today she suddenly mc... i bet tml she wont come again.. n bec is left alone again.. i just dont understand how come some ppl are so self centered.. it realli wont kill u to just sacrifice ur abit of play time to ensure things go on smoothly at work..


n i totally hate it when my mom complains that why am i always the one being activated for ot.. i just chose to ignore her.. mayb she just dont understand the nature of my job..
but i expected him to be alittle more understanding.. it just turns out disappointing.. i dont like questions like "why is it u again" being thrown at mi.. i think i have really swallowed alot of his things.. his clubbing issues.. his drinking issues.. his money issues.. i just dont wanna kick a big fuss abt all these..
but stil i really cant believe that he didnt plan anything for my bday.. ya.. i know i always said that bday is not a big occasion to mi.. n i know he is really very broke.. but wat i want is just some simple n proper planning.. i dont need expensive dinner or entertainment n i dont mind just staying at home the whole day with him.. in the end.. everything abt tt day was decided by mi.. there wasnt even a small bit slice of cake..
n to think pq, my boss n my colleagues even bothered to get mi.. i know the jeans n jackets are expensive.. i dont want expensive gifts..

its so pitiful to think that i cried myself to slp tt day.. n he doesnt even know abt it.. thanks hur.. really thanks that i wasted my one day of leave to disappoint myself..

mayb i stil cant get over the things he had done.. n i told him directly before that he is just taking things for granted.. in fact, he treats other girls way better than mi.. except mayb he dont lavish expensive gifts on them.. n i stil feels the presence of his ex-gf lingering there.. this is sth that i really hate !!! i hate that he is always being Mr. Nice Guy to her n other girls when he doesnt care abt my feelings at all..

i really cant take it anymore...

Happi bday to myself ! lol...

i had lotsa fun with the union ging gang on sat...
as usual its always lots of fun with them around.. =)
n i got my ck summer from them.. thanks alot ppl.. i love ya all..

nth much to update after tt anyway..
basically.. to be frank.. i felt that i had just wasted my leave today..
needless to say.. i m disappointed..

n i just came to realise about some stuffs.. mayb i am just thinking too much..
but any way i am a year older now.. or i should say i am officially into adult hood.. so just hope my mani years ahead would be smooth sailing.. =)

yeay! i got my adidas jacket!!!

yipeee... hehe... =p

okok shall update more next time lol.. ta!

heee.. long time since i updated.. been busy for the past weeks.. working n working.. however, its always fun if u have good colleagues.. though there are some unhappy incidents but its ok overall. I managed to get peiqi a job in my company! congras girl ! =)

Weekends are mostly spent wif the union ging gang.. lol.. and of cos wif my boy.. he is involved in the imf so whenever our work time table dont crash.. we will make time for each other.. Though we seldom really go out.. but its stil nice and peaceful.. n the other day we went queensway shopping centre.. i saw a white adidas respect jacket with red outline n wordings in the limited ed shop... oh my god.. its so pretty lehz !! i wanna buy... lol

Last weekend was spent at jero's hse with the usual gang..
Ppl there are mi, dear, cw, cindy, jr, spencer, hanz, peiqi, hq, lz, peisun, edward, pu, hc, charlene n of cos, jero n maureen..
its bbq and gathering session at his place..
I talked to lz.. its veri sad to see her suffering in her r/s.. i told her my pt of view and seriously hope that she sort out everything with him..
Afterwards i spoke wif cindy.. lol.. abt rh.. i wont mention anything bcos i promise her i wont say.. just hope everything goes on well for the both of them..
n the rest of the time was bbq-ing and playing xbox haha... as usual soul calibur haha..
then we decided to play some games.. we each have a card saying some actions on our forehead and ppl will try to trick u in doing it.. somewhat like the taiwan game show.. super hilarous ! haha.. and then we started playing the calling of name game n heart attack..

n its drinking time again.. i did not drink much.. cos i was quite tired.. plus dearie had to wake up super early the next day for work.. so i acc him upstairs to slp..

i woke up early the next morning.. n started disturbing ppl.. haha.. i started to draw things on everyone when they are slping.. haha.. after wards we ordered pizza.. slacked a while at his place before mi, cindy n wee went over to jr place for mj.. i am the big loser.. shit.. -_- haha after tt i watched bleach there while waiting for jero n maureen.. and we went to the bedok 85 market for dinner... yummy! chit chat there till 10 plus.. then jero send us all to jr place n mi n cindy took a cab home..

yup.. tts abt all.. lol.. today i am on afternoon shift.. n peiqi is coming to work next week ! i cant wait haha.. but i will be on night shift.. haiz.. shit hahaha..
on a small note, my bday is coming soon n my mom keep bugging with how am i gonna celebrate my 21st.. its irritating ! bcos i dont even have time to think abt it.. n basically i am someone whu cant be bothered abt planning it.. i m irritated man.. lol..

i am back from tioman le !!!

it was a nice get away from sg.. life there was slow paced n stress free.. things there were cheap.. especially the beers.. lol.. its a pity the four of us didnt bring along any cameras.. only had the hp to play around..

Friday was off day for mi.. woke up early and went over to bugis to pray with dear.. after which we went shopping for my bag.. bcos i cant find any bags at home big enough to carry all my stuffs.. went over to dear's place and started packing all my stuffs.. did our assessment.. then we rushed down to SSI..

The trip there was long n boring.. 3 hours of bus trip plus 4 hours of boat ride.. we reached tioman in the wee hours where everyone was soundly aslp.. barely catching 2 hrs' of slp.. we woke up n prepared for our first open water dive ! The first few dives were ok.. bcos basically we were just recapping all the 7 basic skills under water..

the whole day ended around 9 plus.. n we headed for dinner plus our theory test.. lol.. basicalli the instructors just closed both eyes haha..

woke up around 8 plus on sunday.. and we set off for our 3rd and 4th dive.. these 2 dives are considered leisure dives.. thus we got to see alot of things ! its quite scary to see all the sea urchins underneath and on the walls of the jetty.. and we get to feed all the fishes... its so nice to have a large school of them swimming all around u.. heee..

The last dive was interesting.. i saw a cuttlefish.. and clownfish.. on the way up.. i was jellyfishes too !! but its scary.. cos they are poisonous.. and we saw a very very huge jellyfish which look like the Portuguese Man-of-War.. scary.. likely we were all on board already..

We had a quick lunch and headed back to sg.. reached here around 9 plus... i went back to dear's place... and ko...

All in all.. it was a good experience.. though i was disappointed with tioman.. its too commercialised.. not as nice as i expected.. but I do love the feeling underwater.. cant wait to go for another diving trip! hee..

alright.. as promised.. i will try to update more if possible..

work life was as usual hectic.. though i was on afternoon shift the last week.. there were stil plenty of things to be done from the morning shift.. and pre-tests kept coming in.. kinda stress mi up.. but no worries.. i stil can take it !!

after tt previous entry.. i sat down n thought about it for almost a week.. i know its all up to me to maintain this r/s.. bcos right now, i am really able to sense his sincerity in wanting to change.. and all the more i should reciprocate since i decided to give him another chance..

Friday after work i went down to peiqi's place.. mi, spencer, wee, jr and cindy stayed over there.. the next morning spenc n wee accompanied me home to get my stuffs before heading down to lucas' place cos wee wee wanted to get his blades..
we met up wif rh at holland for breakfast before going down.. and i fell aslp at his place..
dinner was at toa payoh's sakura restaurant with my colleagues.. wasnt really tt nice.. after which we went down to orchard for some k-session..
i left halfway to meet up wif char n pax to momo.. so i called him down too.. since he's a frequent there.. But i left early.. cos i was feeling really tired after the non-stop playing..

tt silly boi ran all the way out in a high state.. lol.. somehow the words that he said really melted mi.. alright.. shall not elaborate further..

n sunday was blading at east coast ! i think i am gonna get my own blades next mth.. lol.. everyone in the grp got theirs alreadi! pui!

alright.. happi national day in advance! =)

Its been a long long long time since i finalli sat down in front of the computer and put some updates into my blog..

These few mths are rather busy.. or should i say.. i will be having this kind of lifestyle for some time.. to be frank.. sometimes i just feel that working really make mi drift away from my frens.. i no longer have enough time to meet up wif frens.. bcos most of the time i spend resting.. my work is tiring.. i dont deny it.. But i am happy with my colleagues and my area of work.. in fact i feel that its such a bless to be working there..

On the other hand, things dont seem to be good for mi and him.. or mayb why i like working.. bcos it just takes my mind of him.. I know i have a trust issue with him.. its difficult to even believe in wat he says sometimes.. I have been hurt before, so naturally i will keep my defence up against him.. its sad to say this way.. but its really the truth.

Sometimes just thinking of him makes my heart sour.. I no longer have the beautiful images in my mind.. its polluted with all the unpleasant memories.. So much as i wanna give him another chance, i think my mind just doesnt allow for it.. I talked with one of my colleagues abt wat i am facing.. She's alot way older than mi.. n has definitely more life experience than mi.. all the things she told mi are some wat true..

I just feel all guys cant be trusted..
I am skeptical towards anything to do with them..

long long time since i blogged..

its the busy few weeks of afternoon and night shifts.. i am so suay can.. haiz.. everyone is going redang.. i so wanted to go.. but i just cant.. hiak hiak.. nvm.. i shall go take my driving cert and go driving at different places ! thats even more shiok! haha..

my mom went to hk for holiday today... arghhh... and seriously, i kind of miss her ! well.. i just hope she has fun and just take her mind of all the household stuffs...

ok.. nothing much fantastic abt my life worth mentioning here..
i am just basicalli slogging hard for my frickin company.. and of cos at the same time having fun there.. =)

heee... now i can slack all the way till 3 plus then go work.. how shuang.. haha.. last sat i was called in for work.. n i worked ot wif ah k.. till 5... both of us was so shag out le...

i went home.. barely catching an hour's rest.. went out to meet up wif joanna to brian's place.. played mj wif them.. then brian's fren fetch mi home.. the moment i reached home.. i ko...

sunday was supposed to go blading.. but was cancelled in the end.. beng came over to find mi.. n acc mi to bugis for shopping ! yeay! i bought alot of stuffs.. a dress, 2 tops, a billabong bikini, ear rings and a new purse.. dinner was at fish & co. with jr, wee, peiqi, lingzi, jerm, cindy, edward and peisun.. along the way was photo taking session.. haha.. i think we just went mad over peiqi's camera.. haha...

i think i shall just post some random photos..
at coffee bean..















on the way to fish&co...

at fish & co...

afternoon shift this week... booo... last week wif rebec... haiz... starting 1st of july i wont be having the same shift wif her... oh god.. i m so sad..

everyday was practically fussing over wat to eat for dinner.. haha.. n i think i ate alot of subways this week.. but it stil taste veri nice haha..

my colleagues pop a question for mi..
if there are two guys.. one veri rich with poor character.. one veri poor but with good character.. which one will i choose?
haha.. seriously i dont know.. but they told mi to choose the one that is rich with poor character..
bcos even guys with good character will bound to change.. only money will not change..
omg.. i nearly fainted when i heard their ans.. but somehow or rather its true la.. muahahha..

ytd night after work.. i went down to zouk.. met up wif jr, his fren, wee, peiqi, her fren n lucas outside.. went in to look for rh n his fren.. the music was not bad tt night.. n the crowd was ok.. n we 3 girls managed to get onto the platform.. i was quite turn off by a girl on the platform.. she started to dirty dance wif mi.. -_-

ok... things happened there again.. i felt his hug after these few mths.. i can feel that he is trying to be close to mi.. i admit i am starting to get playful once again.. i know i just wanna go out play.. but nevertheless, i know i stil have feelings for him.. i melted when he hug mi..

went over his place after tt.. cos his place nearer.. n i ko till this morning.. just in time to go to work..

i keep asking myself if i am doing the right thing..
if this r/s really deserve another chance..
i know i am scared to open myself up to him again..
i know i am tired.. too tired to do anything..
but yet.. my heart is stil with him... damn....

lastly.. my ITS colleagues at east coast ! all drenched wet from the rain.. heee..